You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
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oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
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I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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