At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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