im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
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Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
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Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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