so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize