oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize