I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think my moral compass just broke
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