my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize