just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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