I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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