so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
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Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
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We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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