My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize