I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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