and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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