i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
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