So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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