Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize