i just had sex bonerless
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize