don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
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Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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