oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
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The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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