i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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