i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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