I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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