Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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