New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize