After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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