Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize