Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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