this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
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Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
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I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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