I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I AM VODKA MAN
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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