Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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