i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
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I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
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It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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