i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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