quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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