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sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Randomize
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