your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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