I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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