Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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