Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize