By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize