Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize