Buhtt sex?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
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Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
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Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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