youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
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I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
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If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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