I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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