No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
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Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
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i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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