My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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