turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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