you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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