Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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