Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize