If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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